Beautifully Mad - Funny Side Up

by Beautifully Mad

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marcus9 An insight written a year or two before anyone really thought it could happen ! Favorite track: The Trump Song.
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1.
The Day the Queen Smoked a Joint by Tony King © 2014 The Queen was bored in Windsor Castle and reflecting on her life She was sick of being serious and all the Royal strife She thought I’ll soon be dead & so what’s the bleeding point The only thing she hadn’t done….. was smoke a joint She tiptoed past the Chauffer who was snoring like a pig and headed down to Soho in a Michael Jackson wig She found a shop and said to the purveyor of fine bongs “I need a little something to get me orf my scone” He studied her quite carefully and rummaged through a drawer He said “you look familiar, have you been in ‘ere before? It’s hydroponic gear, best to try before you buy?” She coughed…. a lot….. but soon began to fly With her Ray Bans and her ipod she was bopping down the street Head bobbing to the solo of Bohemian Rhapsody She couldn’t shake the thought of chocolate pizza from her mind The Corgis were uneasy and were now some yards behind She thought she’d drive to Paris but was far too off her dial So she busked at Covent Garden as a statue for a while “Viva La Republic!!” she mysteriously screamed. & told a Grenadier she loved him, for an hour…..or so it seemed….. She kissed a duck in Hyde Park and curled up with a tramp And giggled like a drain at her own face upon a stamp Her stockings were laddered from the trees she found to climb And the buzz of chasing squirrels left her feeling quite sublime The Bentley had been clamped and she walked home without a care The sun was coming up revealing acorns in her hair She walked into the Palace with a Royal Rasta calm The Guard just said politely...... “Nice morning for it M’am” She tried to sneak to bed but caused a frightful din instead When she dropped a can of Red Bull right on top of Phillip’s head “My darling, I’ve discovered that I really like Bob Marley And finally….I think…. I understand our crazy Charlie” Phillip was awake now, taking in her new tattoo He found the nipple ring distracting if not strange “The Balmoral of the story is I’m sick of all the Tories I want a different end to my nearly finished story I want to play the Sax and I just want to relax Get Murdoch and the Chinese and Obama off our backs Let’s go to Soho for a change Let’s go to Soho for a change Let’s go to Soho for a change”
2.
Helium 02:20
3.
Boris the Happy Russian © Tony King 2011 Boris never fitted into town Because In Novgorod they’d always worn a frown For 3 hundred years And 3 billion tears But Boris’ mouth turned up instead of down It was un-Russian not to be sad And suspicious if you didn’t feel too bad He was happy as a lad & was followed ‘round by Vlad To find out why he always felt so glad He was Boris the happy Russian Possibly resulting from concussion Afflicted from birth By an overdose of Mirth He was Boris the happy Russian RIFFS When the KGB had frisked him for bugs He reacted by giving them all hugs He found Chekov hilarious With a thrill almost vicarious And wasn’t drunk or taking any drugs He giggled like a drain when he lost money Thought Groucho’s brother Karl was just as funny He didn’t know his birthday But was raised so they say By the tiniest Babooshka Easter Bunny He was Boris the happy Russian Possibly resulting from concussion Afflicted from birth By an overdose of Mirth He was Boris the happy Russian RIFFS They interrogated him in Gorky Park He fell asleep as they tried to frighten him in the dark & the Mafia had no success Cause he poked fun at how they dress & had no come back for his sarcastic remarks His left leg was much shorter than his right Which meant he walked in circles day and night The circles got so small one day he met himself along the way and was too confused to put up any fight (spoken) Sometimes Russians have to laugh….to keep warm in Winter. Boris was a sucker for Blue Grass & thought that all sad music was a farce it would only make him bored & he wouldn’t know a minor chord even if it jumped up and bit him on the arse He was Boris the happy Russian Possibly resulting from concussion Afflicted from birth By an overdose of Mirth He was Boris the happy Russian Slow RIFFS then Double speed RIFFS
4.
Sitting in Double Bay Had to sell my Ferrari today And I'm watching my hair turning grey Cause the stock market snuffed it today Sitting in Double Bay watching my Persian rugs rolling away Sitting in Double Bay for the last time Sitting in Double Bay for the last time Well I lost my home in Point Piper and my Lear jet was just towed away had billions of bucks worth of stock yeah but now you can't give it away Sitting in Double Bay sending the man with the cocaine away Sitting in Double Bay for the last time looks like nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change, nothing...feels like i'll remain the same... Both the kids will have to be sold if we're going to keep our lodge at the snow No one will give us a loan we'll have to swap our Dobell's for Ken Done's Sitting in Double Bay sending the man with the cocaine away Sitting in Double Bay for the last time soon I'll be sitting in Long Bay doing time.
5.
翻滾,翻滾,翻滾 Rollin',翻滾,翻滾 ,翻滾,翻滾,翻滾,翻滾牛皮她幫你們拉皮條,羅林雖然腫了流保持他們狗狗翻滾,牛皮通過雨 '風' 天氣水戰皮革 Wishin' 我的女孩就是我身邊所有的事情我在想念好出航,愛一個 ' 親吻,等待我騎馬年底他們前進他們起來他們抬頭的頭,移動他們對他們前進,頭撲克了牛皮切他們出來,他們在騎騎
6.
Well the life of a truckie’s not easy And I’d just about run out of steam When one day at a truck stop through a halo of blowies I spotted the girl of my dreams Well she smiled as she wiped off my dip stick And my heart seemed to slip out of gear Her hair was tied back with an octopus strap And a piston ring gleamed from each ear Well she wiped her hands clean on her stubbies And she balanced a fag on her lip My eyes went all steamy as I took off my beenie And started to let these words slip I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love And I wish that for every truck I’d rolled I’d rolled all over you I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love Just as my words started flowing An air horn from one of the boys Came thundering in With a God awful din And the moment was lost in the noise We èll she tightened the ropes on my rig And she fixed a few leaks underneath We said our goodbyes as she threw on new tyres And tightened the nuts with her teeth I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love And I wish that for every truck I’d rolled I’d rolled all over you I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love Ten wheels each side of the yellow lines I’m driving asleep in the rain I dream of that girl with the octopus curl And swallow some pills for the pain And I pray that one day I will meet her When I get to where the road ends Meanwhile I hope that this load of cattle Will lean the right way on the bends Hell of a mess if they don’t Moooooo I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love And I wish that for every truck I’d rolled I’d rolled all over you I’ve got a wheel in the pothole of your love
7.
BECAUSE I’M BLONDE.. Julie Brown Because I’m blonde I don’t have to think I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks I don’t have to worry about getting a man If I keep this blonde and I keep this tan Cause I’m a blonde yeah yeah yeah Cause I’m a blonde yeah yeah yeah I see people working it just makes me giggle Cause I don’t have to work I just have to jiggle Cause I’m a blonde B L O N D Cause I’m a blonde don’t you wish you were me I never learnt to read and I never learnt to cook Why should I bother when I look like I look I know lots of people are smarter than me But I have this philosophy.... So What! i see girls without a date and I feel so sorry for ‘em Cause whenever I’m around all the men ignore ‘em Cause I’m a blonde Nyah Nyah Nyah They say to ¬make it, you need talent and ambition Well I got on a TV show and this was my audition OK don’t tell me.. oh I remember.. “Duck Magnum.. Duck! “ Cause I’m a Blonde Yeah Yeah Yeah I took an IQ test I flunked it of course I can’t spell VW but I’ve got a Porsche Cause I’m a blonde B L I N D Cause I’m a blonde don’t you wish you were me I’d just like to say that being chosen as this month’s Miss August , Is a compliment I’ll remember for as long as I can Right now I’m a Freshman in my third year at UCLA And my goals are to become a veterinarian because I love children Cause I’m a blonde Yeah Yeah Yeah Oh girls think I’m snotty, maybe it’s true With my hair and body You would be too Cause I’m a blonde yeah yeah yeah Cause I’m a blonde yeah yeah yeah Cause I’m a blonde yeah yeah yeah
8.
La Bamba 02:54
9.
In the Mulga 04:16
Mulga Mulga Mulga Dad why do we all talk without opening our mouths? Cause Life is pretty dusty... in the Mulga Dad why’s our TV ariel look like the Eiffel Tower So your Mum can get the Soapies ...in the Mulga And why do the kelpies always sound like they’re in pain? You try and find a lampost ...in the Mulga And Dad why do the camels bury their heads in the sand? Cause Rolf Harris likes to practise... in the Mulga Dad why is our letter box two hundred miles away? It keeps the Mormons off our scent ..in the Mulga Dad why do the blokes all have a beer-gut and a beard? Nothin else ‘ll grow.. in the Mulga And why’s the flying doctor only call why you’re away I’ve been wondering that myself..in the Mulga Dad who’s the bloke who drives around in the Army tank? Oh that’ll be the Flick Man In The Mulga.. Mulga... Mulga Jeez it’s hot ..... Bloody flies Cuppa Tea...... Like you r hat Caught that snake....... It rained last year In The Mulga.. Mulga...Mulga Solo If you leave your mouth open the flies will get in And you’ve got to leave it open to let them out again And you can’t get to sleep cause the Dingos make a Din Or a Dinner of things left In The Mulga... Mulga... Mulga Dad why don’t the Leyland Brothers come out here anymore? Cause we shoot anything that moves ...In The Mulga Dad why do the sheep all run away when you get near? Well never mind about that till you’re a bit older And why do our cousins all look the same as me? Cause families get real close ..in the mulga. And Dad why do you run over every animal you see? That’s how you find your way home In The Mulga ...Mulga... Mulga Jeez it’s hot ..... Bloody flies Cuppa Tea..... Like your hat Caught that snake..... Could rain next year In The Mulga Set a trap...... the mare’s in foal Been to town...... Mind your head Gotta smoke? ......could rain next year In The Mulga.... Mulga ......Mulga Baa Baa Baaa
10.
The other night I heard from Randy Newman He came to me in a Dream With a song he wrote 'bout Donald Trump... that was tantalizingly obscene. He said Tony, you can say it's one of yours, cause I'm scared 'bout the libel laws, that way it's you that gets sued....& not me.... & this is how it goes... Of all the worst of the contenders Donald Trumps them all Compensating with his money For something that's obviously small He never gets sick of the sycophants Or all of cash that he invests & he sleeps at night like a baby Between 2 silicon breasts (But here’s the thing) Let's pull his rug right out from over him Let's pull his rug right out from over him There would be a precedent We could stop him being president If we pull his rug right out from over him Well a black man got to the White House Could an orange man get there as well & money's his only religion And the Mexicans can all go to hell And women belong in the kitchen But their cleavage keeps him in a trance & the boncubines who adore him Just Love the bulge of his wallet in his pants Let's pull his rug right out from over him Let's pull his rug right out from over him There could be a precedent We could stop him being president If we pull his rug right out from over him If you're a white man & you're privileged You too can have billions in stock & you can have your very own tower That's a shrine to the size of your.. Let's pull his rug right out from over him Let's pull his rug right out from over him There could be a precedent Hell we could stop him being president If we pull his rug right out from over him He’s got enough on his homophobic plate Is that an animal on his pate Or a mirkin as a running mate? There'll be hell toupeé if we let him get away Let's pull his rug right out from over him Let's pull his rug right out from over him Just wipe your feet as you leave

about

A retrospective of humorous songs we have performed over the years, hopefully it will be a salve for these grim times :-) Love Tony & Nina

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released December 4, 2016

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Beautifully Mad Sydney, Australia

Breathtaking original music reminiscent of the beauty of James Taylor, some honey from Melody Gardot, a lyrical spice of Cohen washed down with some Waits-like humour. A musical flame that licks at the heels of Folk and Jazz

More detail of their history at www.beautifullymad.com
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